We don’t Home School (yet) and it’s OK (I hope!)

So as you can probably tell from the title, homeschooling is something I have deliberated on, a lot! It’s easy to go down a line of thinking that ‘if you want to be a good christian family, with good Christian kids then you should homeschool’, right? There are a lot of blogs out there describing why families homeschool and one of the main reasons seems to be, to protect your kids, to be close to them, to make sure they are being taught the way you would like them to be with faith, morals etc. Or perhaps that’s just what I read into it!

I do like what @moneysavingmom says about it though, she talks about reviewing the decision for each child each year. I think this is a great solution. I don’t see this talked about enough. The whole decision should be about what is best for the child and the family.

I love the idea of homeschooling. Mainly because I don’t feel the school environment is always the best environment for every child. It is massively overwhelming and with a highly sensitive neuro-divergent child, they can really struggle. I get annoyed at having to abide by strict and unnecessary uniform policies and holiday times. Schools do not cater for boys very well, the whole school environment is more geared towards girls. The sitting and writing etc. I am a firm believer that quality family time and travel hugely enrich a child’s life, even more so than sitting at a desk. Just the fact that homeschoolers only have to do a couple hours work/study a day to keep on top of their education, makes you realise how many extra hours of school are potentially unnecessary.

Anyway! this whole topic is an ongoing question for me. Especially as after Covid my eldest regularly asks to be homeschooled. Of course I’ve considered it but I don’t feel that it’s right for this time in my life or his. Actually anytime I’ve queried whether school is right for him, even back when he started nursery, I have prayed whether it’s the right school for him etc. Every single time has been met with a confirmation that where he’s at is the best place for him. Whether that’s a great interaction with a teacher showing they really care, a reminder that school is also about the community around etc. In our inner city London school, being part of our local school really meant being part of the local community and church. Our church backed on to the school and my son could see his church at playtime etc. I love being an active part of our local community. I also met two amazing mums from nursery who have become dear friends and I hope friends for life despite us moving. Also and most importantly every time my son came out of school/nursery he had had a great day and would talk non-stop about all the fun things he did, he was making great friends and had fun everyday! So despite the massive emotional pull at drop off we kept sending him to that school. That was the right decision.

We are heading into a new phase this year with eldest off to high school and the youngest to start primary. Our youngest is very sociable and loves his nursery so I don’t doubt that he is going to love the social side of school. School seems the right thing for our younger two boys. It’s also right for me and my husband right now as we try and work (him overseas and me starting my own business). For our eldest we will see how his transition to high school goes. Primary school has been hugely helpful in getting him the support he needs to make school a little less overwhelming. However this transition year has been tricky. Things may calm down once the transition actually happens but as I mentioned above I am still determined to keep praying about the right place for him and taking it one year at a time.

What we do instead

1. School choice matters

Schools vary hugely. We were lucky that our closest primary in London was amazing. In our country location we travel for the best school for our kids. Prayer helped us get those places! Sometimes we don’t have a choice where to send our kids. If that’s the case there’s still plenty as a parent you can do to help your kids. God knows what you and they need!

2. Be involved

Apparently being involved with your child’s school (finding out what they’re up to, attending events etc) really helps with their success at school. Constant open communication with your child’s teachers about their needs is so important. They are interested and want to help. I didn’t think to speak with our SENCo earlier in his school career as our son’s needs were not an academic issue. He was ticking all the boxes and excelling in his passions of maths and sports. The issue was emotional and did not present as a problem in class. Upon prompting by my sister-in-law of how SENCo’s can support we had a long meeting with them. The outcome of which they realised how hard he was finding it and how if they supported him better emotionally at school this should help emotionally at home. This support has been amazing. As a parent having someone outside the home supporting you when things are challenging is really valuable. That community again!

3. Home with me after school and holidays

I have chosen to start a business that allows me to be home in the holidays and after school times. I want to do fun outings with them in the holidays and be there for them after school. The kids with after school restraint collapse really need this. I have been fortunate enough to be able to do this. (whilst not always wanting to, it’s so hard!)

4. Give my kids mental health days – days off when they just need a break (not averse to taking kids out in term time either if best for the family…)

5. I don’t take my kid out just because he’s neuro-divergent. If he was given the choice he would stay home in his comfort zone all day. This is not good for him and I whole heartedly believe that he needs a little push socially. He has great friends and he does have a great time with them in the day

6. We moved from inner city to countryside for a smaller school with a field and forest school and a high school which will be less overwhelming (hopefully) than the London ones we would have had.

7. Remember our own needs matter too

I don’t think I would be a very patient homeschool teacher especially in the younger years! Whilst I love helping my kids learn I also have other interests to pursue which God has put on my heart and that matters. Parental mental health matters!

As always put it to prayer about what’s right for your family and your child!